Feeling Defeated

I have been battling some serious depression for the past few days. Mickey has been stimming, losing words, talking mostly in jibbersish and even lost his alphabet and counting. He has been using echolia (repeating everything!) and jargoning (repeating sayings from TV). I just feel like every thing we have been doing is just a temporary fix. It is like putting a bandaide on a massive wound. It has only been 6 months and I try to keep that in mind. My original plan was to have him recovered by the 1 year anniversary of his label. The first 6 months we mostly did diet, supplements and herbal remedies. We had some great success and he really has come a long way, but he is not cured. It is just a roller coaster of getting him balanced and stabilized. I have developed a theory which I will share in my next post about autism being a viral condition. Whatever is in my baby, I just want it out! For the next 6 months we are going to attack the autism more aggressively. We have started Valtrex, an anti-viral, to help weaken the virus enough that his body can fight it off. Many kids have been recovered from this and because Mickeys autism points to being a viral condition we are holding alot of hope for this. However, we are not putting all eggs in one basket. I am taking him out of state to a specialist who has recovered many children using homeopathy. Homeopathy is a complex science that has been used since the 18th century. I recently read a book by Amy Lansky called The Impossible Cure. She recovered her son using homeopathy and her son’s symptoms sound EXACTLY like Mickey’s. So withing the next month I plan to get Mickey started on a homeopathic remedy along with the Valtrex. My goal now is, by December to have him in a place where I feel he is well on his way to recovery. I just can’t take this battle anymore. It is so up and down. One day he is talking and hardly distinguishable from a Neurotypical child. The next day he is barely talking and off in his own world. The other day the checker at Trader Joes tried talking to him and made a comment that, “Boy, he is just off in his own world.” Of course he didn’t know Mickey has autism but the comment still stung. I was so close to giving up. Their is another blogger online called Autism Diva. She is very anti-biomedicine and believes that we should just all give up and except that are kids were born this way and love them for who they are autism and all. I started to wonder if maybe that is what I needed to do. Then I read a line in Amy Lansky’s book. Forgive me for paraphrasing but I don;t have the book in front of me to deliver a straight quote. She said she hates it when parents say that they accept their kids autism. She says, how can you accept the autism? Your child is not better off having autism, they will be better NOT having autism. It is just easier for the parent to give up trying to fight it and accept it. That made me think. She is right. I KNOW my son was not born with autism. I have to fight everyday to beat this disease so I can get to know and have my son back. This disease has stolen him from me and I WON’T let it win. So to say the least, I am back in the game. I have set new goals, strategies and I plan to have my son back by the end of this year. Am I shooting high? Maybe, but I have no other choice.